The Akatsuki's Unspoken Rules
by Delilah Elric
Summary: Konan referred to as Blue due to how old this story is enlightens us on the few unspoken rules in the Akatuski. A totally off-the-wall comedy story with SasoDei undertones. A drabble.


There's never been too many spoken rules within the walls of Akatsuki headquarters, mostly stuff like don't change the channel when Leader's watching his soap operas, don't steal from Kakuzu (no matter how much he and Hidan steal from you), don't peek into the rooms of others (mostly on rainy days), don't touch Blue (me), and do what you're told.

But there are some unspoken rules, stuff that you just don't do. No matter what. Just because you know, somehow, that it's not really a great idea. For instance, don't stick your hand in Zetsu's mouth, don't let Tobi do your hair (I've faced that one myself), don't touch Deidara's toast (he's really possessive of that stuff), don't go into Leader's room...ever (unless you're me, he lets me in all the time--benefits of being his partner), and...most of all...don't go into Sasori's room if you know Deidara's in there (or vice versa).

This rule has just always been since the dawn of time. Or not so much time, as the dawn of the two of them realizing that the other is irresistibly sexy. You could, in fact, walk in there if you felt like having to buy yourself some replacement eyes. But honestly, it's not a great idea. This rule didn't exist for the longest time. In fact, no one even dreamed this rule up until I managed to discover something...awkward.

Yeah. Me. I'm the one who was the first to break the rule, which, at that time...wasn't a rule. If you know what I mean.

By the way, in case you were wondering, I'm Blue. Ya know, mysterious only girl of Akatsuki, the group of S-Ranked super-minded criminals. We're not as smart as you give us credit for. I mean...sure. We do have wonderful plans for world domination but really...we're more like a pre-school or a babysitting service for killers. Where the only adults are me and Leader.

It gets tiring. Anyway, you're probably wondering how that last rule came into being. I'll tell you, just because I think it'll be fun to embarrass Deidara and Sasori.

It all started at lunch that day...

"Where in the hell is Deidara, Sasori?" Leader asked, his dark voice echoing across the table. He can seem scary, but he's pretty nice. To me, anyway. But maybe that's because I'm the only strand of Estrogen in this entire place. Unless you count Deidara, which most of us do.

Sasori shrugged. "How am I supposed to know?" The puppeteer asked. He had been a little late to lunch himself, but not as late as Deidara was being right now. I sighed.

"You're his partner, Sasori, you should know where he is." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Blue's point has been made, Sasori. You should start being more attentive of--" Itachi started, but then there was a bustling noise coming from the stairs and then a thunk.

Deidara would soon tell us he tripped on something someone left on the stairs, but I would later find out that he really tripped because he was putting his pants back on. It turns out that Sasori is quite smart, and whenever the two of them are together during the day he makes them come down at least ten minutes apart.

Master mind, really, that one. Anyway...

"I'm here!" Deidara said, looking flustered. "Sorry everyone, I...erm...fell asleep, un."

"Lazy." I sighed, rolling my eyes."

"Hey! That's mean, un!"

"But true." I shot back, and watched the sculptor take his seat next to Sasori.

He just shut up and ate lunch, which passed highly uneventfully. Except for the fact that Zetsu kept complaining that there wasn't nearly enough human in today's dish. Which made me shiver. Zetsu gives me the creeps, but I think he does that to everyone.

Anyway, more exciting and relevant stuff happened _after _lunch. I was sitting in the front room watching Days of Our Lives with Leader-kun. He has a thing for Soaps, they calm him down. Anyway...

"Hey Blue, c'mere, un!" I heard Deidara call from the kitchen. Looking back, if I would've just not gone in there, I would've spared myself a whole lot of blood loss later. But I didn't know what would happen in the future then, so I got up and went into the kitchen. And Deidara tackled me to the ground.

"What the hell are you doing!?" I asked, confused as hell.

"This is for calling me lazy, un!" He said, playfully, and stole the flower out of my hair.

"HEY!" I yelled, but he got up and ran into his room. I spent the next few hours pounding on the door, trying to get him to open it. I even went down and asked Tobi and Zetsu for help, but we just couldn't get the door open. And I finally got hungry again and had to go down to Dinner, which Deidara was conveniently absent for.

"Where's your flower, Blue?" Sasori asked, tilting his head.

"Deidara stole it, that little--" I started, but Tobi leaped across the table and covered my mouth. He'd been on this swearing kick lately, where no one could swear. It was really pissing off Hidan and Kakuzu, who couldn't open their mouths without having Tobi leap on them.

Sasori chuckled as Tobi jumped off of me and back into his seat.

"I'll go up there and get it for you." Sasori said, and left the table.

I waited.

And waited.

And even after dinner was over and everyone was asleep I waited.

I waited until I couldn't stand it any longer and I decided to take matters into my own hands. I went storming up the stairs and over to Deidara's door, muttering to myself.

"That stupid fucking Deidara stealing my fucking flower that fuck tard..." I muttered, and then threw the door open while yelling: "DEIDARA GOD...Damn...it...." I stopped, my eyes wide and my face red.

Sasori looked up from the bed, throwing the blankets over Deidara and himself, so that I couldn't see any more, but the damage had been done.

"Yes?" Sasori asked calmly.

"I...erm..." I started, but couldn't say anything or move anywhere, for that matter.

Deidara squirmed under the puppeteer, obviously a little upset that his partner stopped pleasuring him to deal with me.

"Got your flower back." Sasori said, tossing it to me. I caught it and put it in my hair, turning around.

"Right...erm...thanks..." I said, leaving the room, bringing a hand up to my nose to catch the blood running down my face. As I pulled the door closed I could hear Deidara let out a moan of pleasure and I picked up the pace, fleeing the scene faster than you could say 'holy fucking cow.'

The next day at breakfast we didn't say anything about it, in fact, I kind of just ignored the two of them all day. And then it became a silent rule, I dunno how it got out. Probably one of them accidentally let it slip, because I know I never did. I didn't want to talk about the awkward moment or the reason why I felt like my flower was unclean and that I needed a new one.

But needless to say, I never walked in on them again...

...at least...not that they know of.


End file.
